Safety

I had an experience the other day where I didn't feel all that safe. I was with someone I trusted but they are not the best influence. And by not the best influence I mean they just tried to get me more fucked up then I'd like, but I didn't let them. I was the most fucked up I've every been, I was in a public place, I couldn't focus on anything, I don't remember a lot from that day, and it just overall felt like a dream. Now normally I think I would've been fine if I wasn't out in public, if I was at home or at my friends house I probably wouldn't have freaked out as much. But because it was such a new experience and I had to focus on acting normal when focusing at all was very difficult. Time felt like it was moving quickly and yet like it didn't exist at all. I kept thinking I was in a dream or I felt like I wasn't real, and that freaked me out. In order to feel like everything thing was real I kept track of the time, kept track of how long had passed since the last time I checked. For some, I think, this wouldn't work for, I could see others freaking out about how much time had passes or hadn't passed. But because it was the only thing I could focus on and remember, it worked for me. Now I'm not saying it was a bad experience it was just an experience, one which I can learn from. It was dumb. And I can say that I'm never doing that again. But thats why we do things, to learn what we want and don't want to do again. I just want to say to be safe. And if you are in a situation where you don't feel safe, get out, or find a way to calm down. Because being in that state of vulnerability can be scary if you're in the wrong place or with the wrong people. Be safe my bb's.

Love Tess